As it happens, the Homeland Security Secretary didn’t learn about contouring for the first time when she got to Washington, D.C. Kristi Noem was already in the business of appearances (literally) long before South Park made fun of her with a “melting” Botox face. Everyone in America gasped at her memoir confession of killing a family dog.
With ribbons, rhinestones, and a brand-new hairstyle that would have left any Aqua Net investor feeling proud, the 18-year-old was crowned South Dakota Snow Queen in 1990. She isn’t shy about it, either. She even pulled out an old photo for Facebook in 2015, laughing at her thick curls and writing, “Tbt — Snow Queen Days … wonderful program for young women … but what was I thinking with all that hair???”
It’s essential to remember that Kristi Noem once enjoyed the pageant spotlight, even though she now finds jokes about her physical appearance insensitive. Not only has Noem played around with pageants, but she also credits her entire career trajectory to them. In a 2016 interview with Aberdeen News, she said that the Snow Queen contest taught her how to prepare her first CV, interview panel, and public speaking.
She explained, “They weren’t looking for the best interview or who gave the best speech, but a well-rounded person who can handle themselves in a variety of situations.” So, tiaras proved to be her political learning ground.
Noem said she left with more than just a crown; she also had friendships and the self-assurance to perform well under pressure. And she did her job. Kristi Noem understood the value of stage presence early on, whether by grabbing photo ops at violent El Salvadoran prisons or standing in front of cameras during ICE raids. That Snow Queen smile has been icy in many ways for the past thirty years or so.
In a recent cruel scene, Kristi Noem was set on fire by South Park, which showed her as a parody of a plastic surgery gone wrong, with a face that literally fell off due to too much Botox. The show went a step further by covering her dog shooting incident, linking it to her memoir (No Going Back) in which she opened up to killing a farm goat…and her puppy, Cricket!
It was evident that the satire hurt her in more ways than one. Kristi Noem said on The Glenn Beck Program:
“It’s so lazy to just constantly make fun of women for how they look.”
It’s a valid concern, but odd considering how much she’s always focused on her looks. Noem’s obsession with herself has been infamous, ranging from rhinestone crowns to accusations on par with reality TV. However, some of the most notorious cartoon satirists in the country have now written footnotes to that book.
The rub is that Kristi Noem learned how to play the game from her pageant experience, which went beyond mere arrogance. It was survival training, and being “camera-ready” was necessary. Her carefully constructed political persona today may be influenced by the same instincts that led her to pose with a tiara when she was 18 years old.
The irony is notable even though her arguments against South Park could paint her as the victim of blunt humor. When you’ve built your entire career on visibility and looking put together, polished, and planned – mockery of those traits was only natural.
A Snow Queen is a Snow Queen forever, right?
NEXT UP: CNN Anchor Shuts Down Kristi Noem in Heated On-Air Argument, Says “We Tell the Truth”
