To date, Donald Trump’s state visit to the UK has been a resounding success. His dignified demeanour has made the paltry protesters with their shrill chants of “Fascist!” Appear like toddlers throwing a tantrum. His dealings with the press have been effortlessly statesmanlike. And his sophisticated courting of the royal family has left many observers marvelling at Trump’s kingly disposition.
In fact, one can’t help wondering if King Charles III isn’t now considering making Trump the bona fide ruler of one of his lesser territories, such as Scotland.
It may sound completely insane, but that’s exactly the sort of world we are living in now, so why not?
The tartan-blooded Trump has always embraced his mother, Mary Anne MacLeod’s native country, and the big man remains fiercely proud of his Scottish heritage. He has also gone out of his way to put Scotland back on the map by opening some luxury golf resorts in many of its squalid backwaters.
In many respects, Trump’s personality is too big for just that of the Oval Office, and he’s the sort of force of nature that demands a crown, a throne, a kingdom, and hordes of kneeling subjects to kneel before him and pay homage.
King Charles III obviously recognises a kindred spirit in Trump. He has welcomed the American President with open arms, not to mention a carriage procession, a guard of honour, a state luncheon, and a flypast by the legendary Red Arrows.
Could His Majesty perhaps top off Trump’s visit by making him the sovereign ruler of Scotland? It really would be the cherry on the haggis.
In such a scenario, Trump could still carry out his manifold duties as US President, but he would also have a country of his own to play with.
Scotland has long been without a king to truly call its own, and it’s a country that would respond well to the firm hand and no-nonsense rule of King Donald the First.
History has shown us that the Scots can be a difficult and unruly lot to govern, but with the right amount of carrot and stick, they could reclaim the spirit of industry and innovation that once made them great.
Under Trump’s rule, gone would be the poverty of ambition, chronic alcoholism, and drug dependency that have haunted this once fair nation for generations, and in their place would be a land of bagpipe playing, kilt-wearing Bravehearts, collectively singing the praises of their great and uncompromising ruler.
In King Donald’s Scotland, every child would have the opportunity to play golf as soon as they can walk, and gone would be the pinched, sour-faced, and pessimistic outlook the beaten-down Scots traditionally have of life. In its place would be a big, brass, and bluff joie de vivre.
And why? Because Trump would make it all possible again through tariffs, a free marketplace, a make Scotland great again mentality, and the sheer force of will with which a great man can reshape the world in their own image.
There have been many kings of this bonny wee country before. Some loved, some hated, some official, and some not so much, like Idi Amin, who once declared himself the last king of Scotland.
Yet in Trump, could Scotland at last have their once and future King? Who knows? It sounds fantastical. But stranger things happen at sea, or at least in a reality where Donald Trump exists.
