Kristi Noem and Benny Johnson have partnered up for a bizarre, high-profile tour, casting themselves as the country’s newest crime-fighting duo. Decked out in dramatic police gear, Noem and her “dolled up secretary” hit the road, claiming they’re leading raids against drug traffickers and gangs. But instead of real action, their focus frequently shifts to criticizing celebrities and mainstream culture.
While ICE agents were targeting communities in Chicago, Johnson and Noem chose instead to bash the NFL for choosing Bad Bunny as the Super Bowl’s halftime performer. In front of armored vehicles, Noem delivered her now-infamous statement: “The NFL sucks and we’ll win and God will bless us and we’ll stand and be proud of ourselves at the end of the day.”
That moment marked the start of her latest publicity tour, where, true to form, she aimed to outdo herself after previously posing with a $50,000 Rolex among prison inmates.
Their traveling ICE show made its way to Portland, Oregon, a city Trump has infamously claimed was burning to the ground. Upon arrival, Noem and Johnson surveyed the scene, which turned out to be mostly quiet except for a handful of protesters and one person in a chicken costume. Johnson posted, “Noem isn’t chicken,” but the spectacle was less than intimidating.
Noem saved her sharpest criticism for country star Zach Bryan, whose new single “Bad News” reportedly contains anti-ICE lyrics. To make her stance clear, Noem said, “I’m boycotting the Grammy winner, vowing to ‘download some Jason Aldean, John Rich, Kid Rock, and Jon Pardi songs.’”
She added, “Zach, I didn’t listen to your music. I’m happy about that today. Today, that makes me very happy that I never once gave you a single penny to enrich your lifestyle.”
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ICE itself released a slick propaganda video, featuring Bryan’s music spliced with footage of agents, fully armed and masked, tear-gassing protesters and arresting people of color. The contrast between Noem’s campy cosplay and ICE’s violent tactics is chilling.
In Chicago alone, ICE agents shot at least two people, killed one, tear-gassed protesters, arrested U.S. citizens (including children), handcuffed a city alderperson in a hospital, smoke bombed streets, and detained a journalist, according to Block Club Chicago.
On this tour, Johnson wore a bulletproof vest, taking pride in the front-row seat to the chaos. The trip wasn’t flawless: Noem was denied entry to a public bathroom, and ICE agents struggled to get lunch. “In fact, they don’t even let our ICE officers and our border patrol officers use restrooms and facilities,” Noem complained on Fox News.
Noem seems to relish having Johnson and his film crew document her every move around the clock. If Corey Lewandowski is jealous, Johnson is apparently a happily married Christian man, though internet sleuths and Don Lemon are unconvinced; Lemon warned, “If you’re a hypocrite I’m gonna out you. The ones who legislate against who they are …I’m looking at you—allegedly, reportedly, good sources—Benny Johnson.”
Whether or not Johnson responds, he’s busy filming Noem’s antics. For now, their strange show continues, leaving everyone guessing which musician Noem will target next.
