Former President Barack Obama recently spoke some candid words about how being in the White House affected his marriage to his wife, Michelle Obama. At an open forum at Hamilton College on April 3rd, the 63-year-old spoke about the toll his presidency took on their relationship. He acknowledged that even today, he’s “trying to dig [himself] out” of what he said was a “deep deficit” that he and she accumulated.
The Obamas, married since 1992, have been very forthcoming about the issues they encountered in their marriage while bringing up their daughters, Malia, aged 26, and Sasha, aged 23, all along living in the glare of public scrutiny. His recent remarks give a better understanding of their journey of honesty and resilience as a couple.
Speaking with the President of Hamilton College, Steve Tepper, Obama made a joke, saying, “I’m in a deep deficit with my wife,” as The Daily Beast mentioned. He was talking about how he sometimes tries to make up for the tough times by “doing occasionally fun things.” This light remark shows that he knows being Commander-in-Chief was hard on their marriage, especially from 2009 to 2017.
Obama’s admission adds to his history of being open about the challenges in his marriage. Back in May 2023, when questioned about Michelle’s statement that she had endured “10 years where I couldn’t stand my husband,” he replied on the TV show CBS Mornings by saying, “Let me just say this: it sure helps to be out of the White House. And to have a little more time with her.”
This change in his response suggests that both of them are still working on their relationship now that they’re away from the constant public scrutiny that comes with being in politics.
Michelle has always been open about the tough times she and her husband faced during their marriage, especially when they had young kids. Back in 2022, she talked to Revolt TV and admitted, “People think I’m being catty by saying this — it’s like, there were 10 years where I couldn’t stand my husband. And guess when it happened? When those kids were little.”
Michelle Obama: “People think I’m being catty by saying this… There were 10 years when I couldn’t stand my husband!” pic.twitter.com/bVtaj44jEY
— Evie Solheim (@EvieSolheim) January 18, 2025
These words match what she said in a 2018 interview with PEOPLE magazine while she was traveling for her book Becoming. She talked about how there were moments when she wanted things to be different between her and Barack. But she added, I don’t think I ever thought, ‘I’m just checking out of this.’” Even though they had troubles, they were both ready to work on solving them instead of just walking away. They went to couples therapy to help them out.
The Obamas’ difficulties grew when they had to bring up their daughters in a place where every little thing was looked at closely by everyone. In an interview with CBS Mornings in 2023, Barack Obama talked about how important it was to him to be a good dad to his daughters.
Barack Obama said, “Michelle — when our girls were growing up, that was priority number one, two, three, and four. And so, I did not fully appreciate… the degree of stress and tension for her… that we were raising our daughters in a kind of situation that just wasn’t normal.”
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Barack didn’t fully understand at the time how hard it was for Michelle to be both a mom and a First Lady. She had to handle a lot of feelings and stress that came from raising their daughters in a very public life. Now, looking back, he’s trying to understand and deal with how much she had to go through.
Despite global recognition, Barack and Michelle Obama are dedicated to fostering a down-to-earth family environment. During a conversation at SXSW in March 2025, Michelle shared with her sibling, Craig Robinson, that steering clear of detrimental digital spaces has been vital for them. “You cannot live through social media,” she pointed out, confessing she had never once felt the need to explore the online comments sections.
My brother @CraigMalRob and I are launching a podcast — @IMOpodcasts with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson! Along with experts and special guests, we’ll be discussing some of your questions. We hope you’ll check it out wherever you get your podcasts. https://t.co/YLiVMo4Kuu pic.twitter.com/DBMfrekEOa
— Michelle Obama (@MichelleObama) March 10, 2025
The couple has a focus on mental well-being, meaningful relationships, and spending quality time with each other. This approach sometimes requires Barack to plan extra to ensure that their life remains balanced.
