It started with a cockroach and a r/AITA post. Eleven days ago, a Reddit user asked, “Am I the A—— for not going to my girlfriend’s house to kill a cockroach?” His girlfriend was apparently paralyzed by her phobia and called him in tears at 10 p.m. By then, she had barricaded herself in her bathroom because a lone cockroach had invaded her bedroom!
The boyfriend, on the other hand, had already showered, changed into pajamas, and wasn’t exactly eager to play superhero. He refused to drive all the way across town and suggested she call her landlord, who lived in her building. Ten minutes later, the landlord (literally) squashed the situation — but the girlfriend told her boyfriend that his refusal proved she couldn’t rely on him “when she needed [him].”
Now, Reddit has entered the chat! The top-voted comment racked up over 2.7K upvotes, sided with the boyfriend: “Unless you’re next-door neighbors, a cockroach is not a ‘drive across town’ emergency.” Another user took it further: “You’re not her personal exterminator. If she’s old enough to have her own apartment, she’s old enough to (…) seek therapy [for] this bad of a phobia.” Um, ouch?
But not everyone agreed. Some argued that while the request was irrational, the emotional need wasn’t. One pointed out, “One night of inconvenience could’ve [made you] the best boyfriend ever in her eyes. It’s the little things (…) that really make a difference.” And another chimed in, “Married 20 years and mine would still drive an hour to kill a spider for me. That’s what I need.”
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Some want romance; others want cockroach repellent. But can one person be both? This story struck a nerve because, beneath the cockroach chaos, it was really about expectations in relationships. A Redditor nailed the nuance: “If he’s willing to do it the first time, then the line for boundaries would get blurred the next time?” Another reminded us that the real villain here was hygiene! “Her landlord needs to know (…) there’s never just [cockroach].”
Meanwhile, women shared their survival tactics. One delivered a gem: “Trap it under a plastic cup or disposable container with a book on top and save it for my Knight (…) to do my dirty work. (…) Yes, screaming while trapping is allowed and doesn’t make you less of a woman.” One recommended the Critter Catcher, which is a grabber with a long handle that “holds the critter within the bristles until you can yeet it outside.” Anyway, the thread revealed relationships often hinge not on grand gestures but on irrational moments. For example, would you leave your warm bed to commit insecticide at night? If you swat away the cockroach, what’s left is a Rorschach test.
Some see him as cold, others see her as codependent. A few went for the middle ground: “You set a boundary [but] didn’t enable the phobia. (…) Phobias are real (…) continuing to cater to [it] doesn’t allow her to begin the path to healing.” The OP may never know whether he was being insensitive or simply setting healthy boundaries — but this cockroach conflict turned out to be an unexpected compatibility test.
