Parenting is not an easy task, and it does not magically become a cakewalk even if you are the President of the United States. Former President Barack Obama vouches for this fact as his relationship with his younger daughter, Sasha, was not instantly close-knit and required some effort.
Michelle Obama recently discussed these early family dynamics on her podcast IMO, where she revealed that Sasha did not naturally seek out bonding time with her father, unlike her elder sister Malia. This contrast in the girls’ behaviors pointed to distinct personalities within the Obama household.
Michelle described Sasha as “like a cat,” explaining, “She’s like, ‘Don’t touch me, don’t pet me. I’m not pleasing you. You come to me.’” Meanwhile, Malia, despite a busy teenage schedule, made an intentional effort to spend a few minutes with Barack before going out, something that comforted him and assured him that he was doing fine as a father.
Michelle shared, “When Malia was a teenager, it wasn’t that she was going out any less or doing anything differently… She would tell me, ‘I’m going out this weekend but I’m going to go in and give dad like 15 minutes.’” Barack grew concerned when Sasha did not follow the same routine.
Michelle remarked on the challenge of adapting to each child’s personality, underscoring a universal truth all parents face: “You have to be a chameleon.” She noted that some parents make the mistake of adopting a single parenting approach regardless of how many children they have, not recognizing that each child may require something different.
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Michelle added, “Some people parent to one child, or one personality child, but then you have three.” For the Obamas, this difference in their daughters’ personalities meant that they needed to recognize and adapt to Sasha’s temperament over time, allowing room for her to develop her relationship with Barack in her own way and at her own pace. Michelle further emphasized that parenting requires such adaptability to ensure that the bond between the child and the parents remains strong.
Expert insight from Dr. Kim Van Dusen, a licensed child therapist, LMFT, RPT, further explained the topic. Dr. Van Dusen explained to The List that it is not unusual for a parent to feel a natural connection with one child over another due to personality or shared interests, which does not mean there is favoritism at play.
She reassured, “As parents, we try to treat our children equally and sometimes our personality and interests align more with one child… than the other. I have no doubt that President Barack Obama loves his children equally with his entire heart, sometimes we just naturally click with another human based on common interests and/or personality. It is not something any parent should feel guilt or shame about.”
.@MichelleObama & @BarackObama were closely involved with Sasha’s 4th grade basketball team. #FallonTonight pic.twitter.com/ildMdQfpM9
— The Tonight Show (@FallonTonight) April 20, 2023
Dr. Van Dusen also highlighted the importance of ensuring that every child feels valued for their individuality. She advised parents to spend one-on-one time with each child and to find activities or conversations that foster a unique connection, saying, “The most important element is that both children know they are loved for their own uniqueness and interests.”
She recommended that parents be intentional about finding common ground with each child, particularly when their personalities differ markedly. This guidance is quite similar with Michelle Obama’s approach, which resulted in an eventual closeness between Barack and Sasha as she grew older and as their bond grew stronger.
