In a family conflict that has Reddit fuming, a 27-year-old man shared that he and his two younger sisters (aged 23 and 21) are being FORCED by their father to refer to his second wife as “Bonus Mom.” The siblings, all legally and emotionally adults, say the term makes them deeply uncomfortable and infantilized.
Despite their attempts to set healthy boundaries, their father refuses to listen. “It makes her happy,” he insists, dismissing his children’s discomfort.
Originally posted on Reddit’s r/AITAH (Am I The A—–e), the story quickly gained traction for its unsettling dynamic. The poster, u/StarWarsTrey, explains that although the family’s stepmother is generally kind and caring, she started referring to herself as “Bonus Mom” during a high school graduation event in 2019.
“We have a mother, a father, and two stepparents. Which is fine!” he writes. “But our dad insists she is called ‘Bonus Mom.’” Despite calm explanations from all three children, the father stands firm.
The post sparked hundreds of comments, with Redditors firmly taking the side of the adult kids.
Is The Dad Forcing Nicknames Love or Control?
The backlash online has been swift and brutal. Commenters were unanimous in one thing: adults don’t need parenting, let alone rebranding. “You’re 27, dude. You can call her Mary (…) Poppins if it makes you happy,” wrote one popular commenter. Others suggested nicknaming her “Bogus Mom” in protest.
“Work on those boundaries and correct her every time (…) She may get upset, but she’ll get the hint,” wrote u/Hefty-Equivalent6581. “Your stepmom did not raise you or your siblings. You are adults, and she’s just your dad’s wife.”
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Many emphasized that adults can choose how they relate to others, especially in blended family dynamics, where complexity is already baked in. A user shared her own experience, writing: “My husband and I have been together for 15 years, but were together 8 years before we got married. Our kids needed to adjust and get the family blended. Now, they are all great friends and get along like siblings – as do their spouses – but it took time. We didn’t want to rush or push things for our benefit when it really was about merging the families together and not causing more trauma or division.”
Experts in family psychology agree.
According to the Smart Stepfamilies website, “Adults must understand that the labels children use are not crucial to family success. What is important is that children are given the freedom to choose which labels are most comfortable.”
How Is Setting Boundaries in Blended Families Disrespectful To This “Bonus Mom”?
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The original Reddit post is more than a quirky nickname squabble. It reflects a broader cultural tension around boundaries, especially in stepfamilies. “I’ve been in therapy recently,” the OP writes, “and one of the things I’ve learned is to set boundaries. This is clearly something I am uncomfortable with.”
That statement struck a chord with readers, many of whom saw echoes of their own strained family dynamics. One commenter, u/lapsteelguitar, offered a script: “I’m an adult, you came into my life as an adult. I have no issues with you, but you are not my bonus mom. You are my dad’s wife.”
Even among stepfamilies with close bonds, the consensus was clear: Nicknames and labels must be organic, not mandated. As user Helpful-Layer3865 noted, “Maybe it’s time to skip over Dad and talk to stepmom (…) it’s best to talk to the person directly anyway.”
The takeaway? Love doesn’t require labels, especially ones that feel forced, saccharine, or loaded with implications. For adult children dealing with post-divorce family systems, respect often looks like being heard. Not renamed.
